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There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys ;The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door... The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about.. the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly.. slow and the whole.. line is backing up, putting the entire production.. line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march.. down to the factory floor...
When they get there.. the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded.. by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush.. Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch.. in amazement as she cuts a little piece.. of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo 's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After.. several minutes of hysterics he pulls.. himself together and approches Lena.
"I'm sorry..," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,.. "but I think.. you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.
'..'..Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles." LOL!
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A man goes to the doctors. He says: "Doctor, doctor! I'm here for my checkup. I hope you don't mind I've brought my wife with me?" Of course the doctor doesn't mind. After the checkup the doctor calls his wife into his office alone. He says: "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you do this for the next ten months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home the husband asks his wife: "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replies. ;) lol
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A man goes to the doctors in an ambulance. He says: "Doctor, doctor!" And then he faints. The patient's family gathers to hear what the specialists have to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" ask the relatives. "For a male brain, 500,000 euro. For a female brain, 200,000 euro." Some of the younger male relatives try to look shocked, but all the men nodd in understanding, and a few actually smirk. Then the patient's daughter asks: "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?" "A standard pricing practice," says the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they are used."
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Underwear dust
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'
;D LOL!
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